June 24, 2010

Bigger Picture Moment: The Gift of Time

My life is running at warp speed these days. As the end of my company’s fiscal year approaches, I find myself needing to spend more and more time at the office. I am going in at 7 a.m., working thru lunch, and coming home after 7:00 p.m. Last night, after another exhausting day at the office, I found myself whining to M.

“24 hours in a day – is not enough time to take care of everything I need to do.”

“Sorry, babe, that’s all we get.” M replied as he scrolled thru the selections on our DVR.

“Well, it is not enough. Between work, cleaning around here, our church activities, I feel as though I have no time to do anything else.”

“I know, hun.”

“It is Wednesday, and I have yet to spend anytime alone with Joycelen. She is asleep when I take her to Mama’s and asleep by the time I get home.”

“Babe, this is just a temporary thing. You said it yourself – once the audit is over – work will settle down. Don’t worry about the baby, she knows you love her –

Our conversation never finished. The buzzing of my blackberry indicated a new e-mail, another work issue that needed to be addressed.

{Fast forward to this morning }

A tiny cry catapults me from a deep sleep. My focus my bleary eyes on the alarm clock. In the darkness of my bedroom, the red numerals glare at me – 5:45. “Why??” I pondered to myself “Why is she awake this early??”

Just a few feet from minute, my daughter Joycelen is stirring in her bassinette. Normally she would still be sleeping – like her mother she prefers to wake up after the sunrise. But not today – no, I think to myself, on the one day I needed extra sleep – she’s awake.

I wait a few moments, hoping that she will soothe herself back to sleep. No luck – she’s awake and hungry. If I do not act soon, those tiny coos and cries will morph into full out screams.

I feel myself fuming, grumbling as I make my way into the kitchen to prepare her bottle. I know that my bad attitude is because I am fatigued. “God, I am going to need your help today. I am tired – and I have a lot to accomplish – give me energy, give me strength --

My daughter is smiling at me, a toothless grin that stretches from ear to ear. As I bend to scoop her up, she throws her hands into the air and giggles. She’s happy – happy to see me, to be held by me. I feel my heart swelling with love as the tears threaten to flow from my eyes.

In the quite of the morning, with the sunlight softly beginning to stream thru the window – I nurse my daughter. Her blue eyes lock onto mine and never waver from my face. Staring at my daughter, I recall the previous evening’s conversation with my husband.

Even though, I had not asked, my Heavenly Father had heard the prayers of my heart. He knew that this tired Mama longed for time with her child but felt as though there was no way to make it happen.

So in the quite of the morning, He stirred a tiny baby from slumber, and in doing so blessed her mother with a gift that far exceeds extra sleep….the gift of time.


Jennifer said...

Isn't God good! He gave you a little extra time with her even though it was the wee hours of the morning. I have to remind myself of that too when Easton wakes up in the middle of the night. I will only get to do this for so long and then he will be big and grown!

Kathie Brinkman said...

Kimberly, you got it exactly right.

Corinne said...

What a beautiful morning moment :)

Hyacynth said...

Oh, He is so good! Goosebumps reading this. He knows what we need even when we don't. Love your words, and love your writing. Thanks for linking up today. That's a stellar bigger picture moment.

Melissa said...

The best moments are the unexpected ones you didn't count on and maybe didn't need or want. Lovely!

Rebecca S. Mullen said...

Nursing a baby in the quiet hours when the world is sleeping is intimacy on steroids. I just loved those times, even though it stole the precious commodity of that era of life: sleep.

May that come to you as well.