June 19, 2009

1st Quarter Review of My Marriage

M and I will have been married for 3 months on Sunday. (Wow, where did the time go? It seems like yesterday I was blogging about playlists, flower selections, and all the other wedding details). And while 3 months is just a mere drop in the bucket that will be our life time together - I have demanded a minimum of 50 years together, I have learned a lot about marriage, M, and myself. I thought I would share a few of those lessons with you.

1. Finding time to spend alone is difficult....but absolutely necessary - I was under the impression that once the wedding was over and we returned from our honeymoon, the hectic pace of our lives would slow down. It hasn't! If anything, the pace of our lives has gotten faster. Everyday there appears to be another demand on our time - from working extra hours, to farming, to volunteer work with our church - we are busy from sunrise to sunset. There have been a few weeks where the only moments I saw M were when he kissed me goodbye as he was leaving for work and when he kissed me goodnight before bed. Those were the weeks that I felt crankier, moodier, and often wanted to pick a fight over something insignificant. I finally realized that I was feeling disconnected from my husband and told him as much. We now make it a priority to spend at least 1 night a week or weekend during absolutely nothing but spending time with each other. This time allows us to unwind from our day, fill each other in on the various happenings in our respective jobs, and grow closer together.

2. My husband's smile (and laugh) are the best sight and sounds in the world - I work in a corporate environment which means some days I come home tired, tense, and just plain wiped out. But as soon as I see M's smile, I feel 10 times better. And when something funny is said or done that makes M laugh, my heart just melts.

3. Something things are not worth arguing about. - I am a neat freak. I love to have everything in place. And while M likes things to be clean, his standards of cleanliness and mine are NOT the same. In the first few weeks, I would pester him to pick up his socks and put them in the dirty laundry as soon as he took off his boots. I pestered him to rinse out the sink after he shaves. And he would do as I asked, but he would be ill that I had nagged him about it. Having a house that meets my standards is not worth having a disgruntled husband. So now, I do my cleaning once a week to my standards. And if the cleaning doesn't get done, I don't let it bother me. It will get done eventually.

4. I really miss my husband when I am not with him - Until last week, M and I had not spent a night apart since our wedding. When my SIL asked if I wanted to join her at her family's beachfront condo for a few days, I jumped at the chance. Work has been crazy busy and the thought of getting away sounded like heaven. The only downside to the trip is that M would not be able to go with me. I assumed that I would miss him a tiny bit, but would be fine. WRONG! M came down for the day on Sunday and Sunday night when it was time for him to leave - all I wanted to do was go home with him. I was go upset I was crying --- and we had only been apart for 1 night.

5. Learning to share a bed is hard - M takes up 2/3 of our bed. I sleep on a tiny sliver of space every night. In the initial nights of our marriage, I was fearful that I was going to fall off. But M kept his arm wrapped around my waist and I never moved. Now, I find it hard to fall asleep if I am sleeping anywhere else on the bed. And it is okay that M hogs all of the bed space --- I take all the covers!

6. My husband is my biggest cheerleader (And I am his)- When I wanted to run a 5K, M signed up and ran the race with me. When I decided that I wanted to change careers in the middle of planning our wedding, M said "Go for it!". Lately when I decided that I wanted to get back into the gym, M agreed to take on more of the household duties, so I would have time for group classes. He now cooks dinner twice a week (and usually more) plus does any of the chores that need to get done while I am sweating it away. When I decided that I wanted to start biking, M went out and bought a bike so he ride with me while I trained. Last week, when I had to take on a few new tasks at work and was unsure if I would be successful, M e-mailed me throughout the day to let me know he knew I would do fantastic. We don't always like the same things, but we try and encourage each other in what we're really into. I don't understand construction, farming, or motorcycles. But those are things M loves so I ask questions to get a better understanding and really try and get a sense of what it is that he does.

I am sure that as time marches on, I will learn more lessons. I wonder, readers, what are some important lessons you have learned from your marriage.

1 comment:

Kathie Brinkman said...

I think all these things are pretty common to marriage. Especially the making time for each other and compromising on the cleaning/chores issues. I strongly encourage you to continue making regular scheduled time to do fun things together--a regular date night EACH WEEK!--with no phone call interruptions, etc. Time to do something fun together, talk, share your day/week, relax together, be romantic. This is so vital to the health and growth of your relationship. Volunteer activities, extended family get togethers/obligations, hobbies, other friends, etc. will always press in on your life and demand more of you than you can give. You and M are very wise to set some boundaries NOW with other people and set the course of your lives looking towards building a committed, fulfilling 50 year marriage now. And that goal takes time and effort. Once kids come along you'll have even less time together, so please, please make it a priority and habit now. You probably both put work-outs, meetings, appointments, etc. in your weekly schedule that you consider unbreakable--your marriage deserves no less than that for sure!!! Congratulations on the first 3 months--keep going, it will be worth it.