May 10, 2010

Perspective: My First Mother's Day

For the last several weeks, I have eagerly awaited my first Mother’s day. I have envisioned opening a card from “Joycelen” on Sunday morning….and I just knew that M would have picked out the perfect gift to mark this special day.

As life would have it, the week preceding Mother’s day was extremely hectic for M and I both. It was M’s week to open at this office, which meant he was leaving the house at 4:30 a.m. Factor in my need to work several late nights, the start of picking season for our blueberry crop, and obligations to our church – M had no free time to go shopping.

Late Saturday night, M explained that while he had all these ideas for ways to make my day special, nothing had come to fruition. He wanted to let me know so that I wouldn’t be disappointed. And I assured him that I would not be…..

Sunday morning came, and with it a Happy Mother’s Day whisper in my ear, and the site of M feeding Joycelen. Later that morning, M placed Joycelen in my arms for a power nap while he showered and dressed for church. It was a wonderful start to the day. But the joy quickly dissipated when M made plans to do a favor for my father immediately after church, without consulting me. (Side note: I did not mind M doing the favor for my father, just the fact that he had consulted with me first. We have an agreement to check with one another before committing to things). The fact that M had neglected to check with me, stung….the fact that he did it on Mother’s day made the sting even more painful. We sat in stoney silence in the church’s sound booth, preparing for the morning’s worship service.

In the silence of the sanctuary, I glanced at my husband, his normally cheerful eyes were hollow. His happy smile was gone, and in its place a look of utter defeat. I nugged him and said “Babe, what’s wrong?”

His reply, “I failed you.”

What followed was a lengthy discussion (that would be repeated a few more times throughout the day) in which M stated how horrible he felt about not buying me a card/gift, and my reassuring him that it really didn’t matter (even though in a way it did).

There were high points to the day – laughing with M’s family at dinner, enjoying cake with my family, and a nap on the couch with M and Joycelen. But once again as the day drew to a close, I felt the disappointment swelling, and I retreated into myself….sitting silently on the couch while M feed Joycelen a bottle.

This time M reached out to me….moving to sit beside me. Instinctively, I leaned into him. And soon we were conversing, stating our hurt/pain. And as Food Network played in the background, we reconnected. Soon Joycelen finished her bottle, drifted off to sleep, and M laid her down. Watching his tenderness with our daughter, made my heart burst with love.

As I replayed the day in my head, I thought about the moments I had been gifted with:

- Moments of holding my peaceful sleeping baby
- M handling all of the diaper changes while I conversed with family and friends
- A quiet evening in our home, just the 3 of us – no commitments, no phones to answer, no where to be but together.

Perhaps, my first Mother’s Day did not happen as I had envisioned it would. But with a little perspective, I can see that it was a wonderful day.

** I would be remiss if I did not brag that M surprised me this morning by telling me to purchase the Nikon D3000 I’ve been eyeing for months. While I do not need gifts to make me happy, it meant a lot that M wanted me to purchase something that I longed for but had deemed as a “save and purchase later item”. It should arrive Wednesday….so excited!

1 comment:

Hyacynth said...

Happy first Mother's Day! Sounds like you had some beautiful moments even though it wasn't what you had expected. :) It's like that in motherhood -- quite often, in fact, as I'm sure you've been learning.