October 08, 2010

Making the Important Connection

I am a social media junkie. Each night, I come home, turn on my computer and read blogs, change my Facebook status, tweet to a few friends, and spend hours IM’ing. Social media has allowed me to stay conneced with family and friends who are not nearby. Given my hectic schedule, social media allows me to share glimpses into my life with out committing a lot of time.

However, in my bigger picture moment, I came to realize that social media was harming the most important relationship in my life, my relationship with M. Thursday night started out as so many others. M arrived home from work, we loaded up the diaper bag, grabbed our gym clothes, and headed to my parents house to drop the baby off. We arrived at the gym and I went to pull our gym token out of the console – it wasn’t there.

That set off a firestorm of frantic searching (by me) but to no avail. The token was not in the truck and without it we were not going to make it into the gym. By this point, I was beyond frustrated, so when M suggested we go home rather than get fellow gym goers to let us in, I snapped “Fine, just do whatever you want. Forget that I need the workout to distress.”

It was a long, silent ride home. Once home, I turned the house topsy turvy - determined to find the token – certain that if I had not lost it, my evening would not have turned out so poorly. After 30 minutes of looking, I found the token, in the pocket of the jeans I had worn to the gym the prior week. Excitedly, I went to our workout room to inform M of the good news. The sight I found broke my heart.

M was sitting on the weight bench, head in his hand, shoulders sagging. He was hurt – and there was no doubt as to who had inflicted the pain. I knelt in front of him, resting my head on his knee and with tears in my eyes and throat, I whispered “I’m sorry.”

Those simple words opened up a lengthy dialogue, in which M shared that he often felt ignored in the evenings. As he said, “You find Facebook and blogging more interesting in me.”

I assured him that was not the truth, but that he often came home and turned on the television, becoming so engrossed in the show that I felt neglected. So I was turning to Facebook and blogging to fill the void.

But Facebook, blogging, My Space, and twitter can not replace honest conversations with my husband. Myth Busters, Sports Center, and The History Channel are a poor substitute from laughter shared between M and I. So now I have a new rule for myself – no blogging, Facebook, or twitter after M arrives home. That’s our time.

How’s is working? Last night, M arrived home, we stretched out on the floor, conversing about our day, a mock wrestling match ensued, which resulted in M chasing me thru the house while I laughed hysterically, and Joycie looked on in wonder and amazement.

And it was way more entertaining then any television show, blog post, or Facebook game.


Hyacynth said...

I totally and honestly get this. It's happened here at my house, too. In my quest to maintain *So* many friendships, I've neglected the one relationship on Earth that's supposed to be most important. {And with this realization shared, I'll also share that this is one reason why I haven't been around quite as much.}
I'm glad you two reconnected. :)

Amy Jo said...

This just happened to my husband and I...we have decided that there will be no facebook, blog, emails, etc. Until after we have had dinner together and gotten in some good quality time with one another. Amazing how we tend to lose sight of what is most important!