February 25, 2010

A more detailed update

My previous post was super short - and probably didn't sound to happy. The truth is, when I wrote that post, I wasn't happy. In fact, I was downright miserable - a red-eyed, sobbing, ball of pregnancy hormones. However, a hard workout, a hot shower, cuddling with my husband, and a few pieces of well deserved chocolate have me feeling much better. Now, many of you are probably wondering why I got so upset by a simple doctor's visit - so allow me to explain.

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling as though I had been run over by a semi - that had then backed up and hit me again. Every inch of me hurt -my ankles, my legs, my knees, my hips, and my precious daughter had taken up residence under my ribs where she was practicing her kickboxing moves. My exact words to M were "I really want to skip church today." But I knew that most of the soreness was due to the four hours I had spent riding to and from my baby shower on Saturday, and that the only way to feel better was to move. So move I did - up out of bed and to church. I made it thru Sunday school before the real fun started.......contractions.

The contractions started during the first worship song and lasted thru out the entire service. By lunch, I was in sheer agony. However, I knew the contractions were not regular or in a consistent pattern.....so I figured I would just white knuckle my way thru them. My MIL (the nurse) insisted on bringing me to the hospital to have me monitored. M agreed with her.....and I began thinking that perhaps we were taking the first steps to meeting Joycelen. 20 minutes later, and it was confirmed -- I was experiencing true contractions -- but they weren't strong enough to do much......so home I went.

The contractions lasted on and off all day Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. My Tuesday evening, I felt as though I had been used for someone's punching bag. I just knew that my cervix had started dilating and that Dr. H was going to tell us that Joycelen would be making her grand entrance. Instead, I found out that my cervix was still close - not even thinned the tiniest bit...... the disappointment on top of the discomfort proved too much to bear and I became a puddle of tears.

I suppose that my disappointment is heightened by the fact that several of my co-workers who were also expecting have either welcomed their child into the world, or are progressing towards delivery. I feel like the odd person out - as though my body is betraying me by not doing what it should be doing at this point.

Today, I am able to see the wisdom in my doctor's decision to wait. Dr. H knows me quite well -- and knows that while I am eager to have Joycelen, I am going to be just as eager to return to my normal self after delivery -- and if I had to undergo a C-section....my recovery would be longer.....and I would struggle with that. I respect that she is attempting to give my body time to do the amazing thing that it has been designed to do.

I have also been able to shift my focus from "7 more days of pregnancy...ugh!" to "I have 7 more days where my daughter is safely inside me.....7 more days that she is solely mine to 'hold'". I can also see that the additional waiting provides a perfect opportunity for me to spend time with M. These next few days will be especially precious as it will be some of the last moments we are truly alone.

With all that being said, I am content to wait - knowing that my daughter will arrive (in the Lord's timing). And I am finding lots of reasons to smile.....including this gorgeous bouquet that my MIL and FIL sent me this morning.


Kathie Brinkman said...

Kimberly, you've got the right attitude AND you were completely "allowed" to have a puddle of tears too. hurry up and wait. your dear daughter will come when she's meant to and it truly won't be much longer now. enjoy these last few days of just you and hubby. I think you're doing great for a first time mom.

Kari said...

Many, many prayers and thoughts to you as you are waiting out these last few days. Hang in there. You will be able to meet and delight in your daughter before you know it.