May 20, 2009

Happy Being Me...

For those readers you followed me from my old blog , you know that one of the things I have struggled with is the eating disorder bulimia. Although, I have not had an episode in nearly 4 years, I have still struggled with the underlying issues that led to my disorder - obsession with what foods I eat, working out, feeling bad if I ate something unhealthy.

Since M and I have been together he has helped to me to shift my focus from a # of the scale or a size on a clothing label to just being healthy. And for him being healthy means not obsessing about the numbers, enjoying a piece of cake if he wants eat, moving more if his jeans get snug. I've been working to adopt his mentality, but haven't felt like I was getting anywhere close to that place, until yesterday.

The hospital that I work for opened our new 2nd floor addition yesterday, complete with ribbon cutting ceremony and lots of yummy foods. Pre-M, I would have calculated the calories in each hors d'oeuveres, avoided everything but the fruit and veggies, and not had a piece of celebratory cake. Instead, I had small samples of each yummy item, went heavier on the fruits and veggies, and had my piece of cake. The best part was that I ate and didn't feel bad about it afterwards. I didn't dash back to my office to tally the calorie damage and estimate how long I would have to work out to burn off the calories I had consumed. And I didn't skip dinner to offset the meal either.

Instead, I did the 20 minutes of step aerobics that I had planned on doing prior to the festivities, ate a reasonable supper, and felt good in my own skin. And that's a HUGH accomplishment for me!


kilax said...

That is so great! I am happy that you have been able to shift your focus to what really matters in the long run - your health and happiness!

Kathie Brinkman said...

Kimberly, good for you. That is a huge step forward. And I'll bet that the next morning you woke up and realized that you hadn't suddenly gained 50 pounds overnight. It's overcoming the fear of losing control that is key. And fear is always wrapped in a lie, a wrong belief.