May 28, 2009

The Question M and I are asked most....

When are you going to have children?
People started asking this question within hours...okay maybe days.... of M proposing to me. While I was still trying to process that fact that I was going to get married and become someone's wife- riends, family, church members, and even random strangers wanted to know when I was going to create another life and jump feet (or head) first into motherhood. M and I managed to downplay the question during the wedding planning process, but once we got back from the honeymoon the questions started again. 
I suppose that a lot of it centers on the innate human inquisitiveness.....or in our town the fact that people are just plain nosey. Perhaps it is the fact that M and I got married later than many of our local friends and acquaintances.  M's brother and sister-in-law married in their early twenties, and most of the my high school friends married within a few years of graduation.  But in the realm of my college friends, I am the first to get married --- the others are not in serious relationships, and for a few of them they have no desire to rush down the altar.
M and I do want children. We love our role as Aunt and Uncle to our 2 nieces, 2 nephews, and the 1 that is on the way. And we can't wait to hold our on child in our arms, but why does it seem that people want us to do right this very second.  M and I think it would be better to take time to adjust to being a married couple and living together, before we add another human into the mix.  Reading over that last sentence, I wonder if that sounds callous or selfish - it is not intended to be.  M and I know that we will be better parents if we our stronger as man and wife.
Does that mean we don't know when we are going to start our family?  Not at all.  I am nothing if not a planner by nature. You who followed me thru the wedding process know that I like to outline my options, formulate a timeline, and work towards the goal. And in some sense, we've done that for our family but it is a little more organic.  I've have been on birth control since January as to ensure that we did not return from our honeymoon with more than dirty laundry.  But I am one of those woman who does not respond well to birth control - four brands in five months - and I am still getting sick every time I take the pill, along with other side effects that are bit too personal to share here.  After much discussion, M and I decided that on our 3 month anniversary, I would come off the pill, and we will being to just the natural family planning method for pregnancy prevention.  While NFP may not be full proof, the research I've read proves it can be used effectively if done diligently - and trust me I'll be diligent.  At Christmas, M and I will reevaluate our situation and decide them if we want to start trying for a baby, if we are not ready -- we will give it another 3 months, and reevaluate things on our 1 year anniversary.  We won't get obsessive about having a baby until we have gone a full 2 years without any luck.....and God willing, we won't have that bridge to cross.
So there it is, the question we are asked most, our responses, and our plan for starting a family. I apologize if this is more than you wanted to know, but I felt like it was a time in our lives that needed to be recorded and captured.


Kathie Brinkman said...

Kimberly, you and M will just know when the time is right. Matt and I waited 8 years before even starting to try to get pregnant. The kids will come in God's perfect timing--birth control or not, NFP or not. Our mutual blogfriend Ruth Anne has info on NFP on her website if you keep to that route. As for the comments from nosy neighbors and relatives, you and M should come up with some kind of rehearsed pat answer so that these comments don't continue to invade your marriage. It isn't ANYBODY's business but yours when you'll start welcoming children into your family!! And anyone who hassles you about it IS being nosy and rude!

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

From someone who got pregnant 6 weeks after our wedding, I think you are very wise :). The first year of marriage is HARD. Being pregnant can be, for some women (like me) HARD. Adjusting to life with a new baby... being tired ALL the time... is HARD. Yes, being a mom is the most wonderful thing EVER but Kassidy was born 11 months after we got married... it was a long stressful pregnancy and a LONG stressful first year. I wouldn't change anything of course because it made us who we are, but you have a good head on your shoulders! You and Mike deserve time to BE "Mike and Kim" before you're "Mike and Kim and..." Good luck with the planning! We planned 2 of our 4 blessings... I think. LOL